A Journey with Cancer

Have you ever stopped to think about what it would be like to receive a diagnosis of cancer? Unless you have been through the experience, you probably don’t think about it much, perhaps not at all. I’ve been lucky in that I’ve never been diagnosed with cancer, so far anyhow but several members of my close family have been down that road. For many years, I have found myself drawn to the world of cancer care. It’s a very special place and it feels like a privilege to me to be a part of it. Having recently completed some training modules in psycho-oncology, I’d like to share a little bit of what I’ve learnt with you.

When someone receives a diagnosis of cancer it is the beginning of a long, lonely journey. It’s a rocky ride both physically and emotionally, not least because of it’s never ending nature. People’s personalities, coping styles, expectations, and past experiences all influence the impact of a cancer diagnosis. Cancer threatens fundamental assumptions about our lives. Where life was once taken for granted, that luxury no longer exists. One’s very survival is threatened and that wonderful sense of certainty and expectation of continued life and health, is destroyed. This pervasive sense of uncertainty probably characterizes the journey with cancer more than anything else. It often lessens when things are going well, but it is a feeling that never completely goes away.

The experience of having cancer shakes your confidence in a profound way. You feel disconnected from the world. While excellent medical care is available today, many people report that they feel emotionally stranded.The demands of the illness and treatment can place a great strain on relationships, and significantly alter family dynamics. Family and friends may be just as emotionally affected by the illness as patients themselves, and sometimes more. When my own brother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, I found it very difficult to watch my parents going through the pain of losing a child. My brother was 48 when he died but nonetheless, the grief experienced by my parents was out of order with the natural process of life.

Patients experience many different types of loss as a result of illness. Self-confidence and self-esteem is shaken and a loss of identity can occur. A long-term illness affects the sense of control over one’s life. To counteract this, patients need to have meaningful and realistic goals set, to help to reinforce their sense of personal control. It can also be invaluable to speak with someone else who has been through a similar diagnosis and treatment, “the voice of someone who has been there”.

On completion of treatment, the journey is far from over. It’s not easy being a survivor of cancer. Patients experience a period of re-entry into the world where they are confronted by a future which they thought they might not have. They also have to undergo a process of learning to live life with the possibility of recurrence of cancer. This fear usually recedes with time as significant milestones are reached but it never fully goes away. Re-establishing hope for the future can take time. It’s not the same future that was taken for granted before the diagnosis.

I have read many books written by people who have been on a cancer journey but without doubt, the best one I’ve ever read was written by Kate Carr and it’s called “It’s Not Like That, Actually: A memoir of surviving cancer – and beyond (Vermilion: London 2004). It is a moving and honest account and it provides supportive and empathic advice for anyone living with cancer, their own or that of someone they care for. I cannot recommend it highly enough.

I dedicate this post to Laura ‘Distant Rambler‘, a blogger whose braveness and zest for life while in the darkest depths of her own difficult journey with cancer, is inspirational. Thank you! Laura.

7 Responses to A Journey with Cancer

  1. Grannymar says:

    Steph

    Another wonderful post going right to the core of the situation. Laura is a wonderful inspiration for all of us.

  2. Steph says:

    Thanks! Grannymar

    I know I’m not alone when I say it’s a topic close to my heart.

  3. Baino says:

    I’ts that damn word. It spells such doom but actually recovery rates from many cancers are good. I’m constantly thinking about it. My Nana chose not to have medical intervention with her breast and bone cancer, my father fought bowel cancer then died of metastatic liver cancer, mercifully quickly and relatively painlessly but I know he was in total denial until the week before his death when he asked for a priest friend of ours to attend him. Me, I had a brush when I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst and not until my surgery and negative biopsy could I breathe a sigh of relief. (also knowing that now, cervical, uterine and ovarian cancers are no longer a possibility!)

    You’re right about the sense of isolation.

    On a lighter note, I’ve taken out $100,000 terminal illness insurance to make sure I see Paris before I fall out of the tree!

  4. laura says:

    Great post but I do not deserve it. I am scared I just don’t know when I have lost the war. I have lost many battles I just do what anyone of you would and cling sturbonly on to one dream . Its called beating cancer and as I hate to lose I fight back. If I lose I know I did my best and I am one of the lucky ones. Why? Because I was given a chance to fight it unlike people like Suzie Long. So my point is cancer paitents need one very important thing – a fair chance to win .

  5. Steph says:

    Laura – you will always be a winner whatever the outcome. Your fighting spirit is so admirable and I know that Susie Long would have been hugely proud of you for the struggle you’ve put up to survive, against the odds. Feeling scared is very natural but please, please promise me that you will talk through your feelings with those closest to you. I’m here any time if you’d like to talk to me in confidence, just drop me an email. Steph x

  6. I’ve lost family members to cancer and had family members survive cancer. In the past few years three friends have been diagnosed with breast cancer. It strikes me it is all around us – as pervasive as the common cold.
    I think living with chronic illness and having had an illness that has been undiagnosable but which has brought me the doorway between this world and the next, I know and relate exactly to what you’re saying. I think, however, that whatever the outcome, there are tremendous lessons to be learned from life threatening illnesses. One is given an opportunity to see quite differently. And, as you say, how one handles these things is about an attitude of mind, almost a “sense of adventure”. I don’t believe anything happens without reason and I believe we learn and grow from everything that happens to us. Ultimately, it’s about being on a soul journey, not a physical one. The body is, after all, but frail, the soul endures forever.

  7. Steph says:

    Thank-you, AV. Beautifully put! Very definitely the voice of someone who’s ‘been there’.

    This is exactly why I feel that Laura’s blog is so special, she is on a very difficult journey and can see life ‘differently’. It’s a real privilege to be able to share in her journey.

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